Dramatis Personae:
Ainutep, female, mid-20s, flowery and pedestrian. Performed by Dame Edna.
Cockroaches. Performed by Pink Floyd.
Scene One.
Sickly lights rise on a basement. Cracks line the walls from which cockroaches crawl. The cockroaches hump each other endlessly, and their chorus of pleasure heightens as the scene goes on, much to the dismay of lonely, sex-crazed AINUTEP.
AINUTEP is sitting at a laptop. She raises her hands to type but gives up.
AINUTEP: Woe is me!
The chief cockroach approaches AINUTEP.
COCKROACH: Why haven't you written in your new blog, your majesty?
AINUTEP: Regdel Riah has betrayed me - she has retreated to the Ffid'!
COCKROACH: The Ffid'? That's disgusting.
AINUTEP: She is my only friend.
COCKROACH: And we?
AINUTEP: You won't cross your legs.
COCKROACH: But I can't help it.
AINUTEP: Oh I will lose this dastardly cyber-battle!
COCKROACH: But are you not a renowned blogger, your majesty?
AINUTEP: I was...I was...
COCKROACH: Then you must remain so!
AINUTEP: No, no, I can't! The Rival Bloggers are just too good! They are witty and prolific, they are so powerful and manly and expressive with the English language! They have made ten posts and I... I am but a cockroach.
COCKROACH: Don't be mean, your majesty.
AINUTEP: Yes, I have been through so much.
COCKROACH: No, I mean, to us. You should not be so mean to us, your cucurachas... Majesty.
AINUTEP: Oh you are my very best friends.
COCKROACH: Type, your majesty, type!
AINUTEP: It's too loud in here, you are all filling me with cockroach envy!
COCKROACH: Just type!
AINUTEP: Not yet, I need... I need inspiration!
She rises.
COCKROACH: Where are you going?
AINUTEP: To the Ruv'!
COCKROACH: Why?
AINUTEP: I must go read a great man's work.
COCKROACH: Who is that man?
AINUTEP: The Pinter.
COCKROACH: Ah, yes. Did you know he wrote in Old English?
AINUTEP: Yes. Yes.
She leaves. The cockroaches celebrate with champagne and smelling in between each other's wide open legs.
End of scene.
No comments:
Post a Comment