Sexism & Royalty

Dear Petunia,

First of all, apologies for not naming you 'Princess Pea' on this new and wonderful blog. 'Petunia' is easier to write and simpler to read, and so instead of diving into the pitfalls of over-wroughted-ness and ultra-complexity for the sake of complexity, my co-blogger and I have elected to a more egalitarian, may we say democratic, approach. For it is with the spirit of democracy and freedom that this forum for higher thinking has been engendered; with it we shall dismantle your veritable apartheid of personal expression. Heretofore there shall no longer be quabbles, but epic struggles; there shall no longer be in-fighting, but serious debate. We at Revelations prize grand thought over petty emotion, and vigourous passion over rigid dogma. We at Revelations shall bury your dispirited, value-less blogging beneath the oceans of liberated, priceless commentary.

And in this invigorated fury of righteousness, I move to my first subject. Sexism and Royalty. If Prince Charles were to marry, and then if he were to ascend the Throne of this wondrous, wind-swept land, would his spouse be theretofore known as 'Queen'? Undoubtedly, yes. Yet, our current Sovereign's husband is known only as Prince. Why can he not be King? Would we assume that if he were such, he would be in charge? Whereas, if Charles' wife were to be Queen, we would not make the same assumption?

Of course, you will probably now say that the British monarch no longer rules the Empire. Well, I say to you: how utterly mistaken, pupil. Parliament is a facade. The Cabinet is nominal. The Prime Minister a puppet. Her Majesty is well aware that in the Age of Web 2.0 democracy must have its illusion, lest the people, in all their despicable slaughter-borne drivelling, rise up and cause trouble. Understand, the Monarch needs not the Image of power, nor the trappings of Popularity, but only the means to rule and execute the proper will of this everlasting state. It is a will independent of any social contract or 'agreement' with the (P)people, capitalised or not - it is the Will of our Divinely Appointed (and Divinely Smelling, I might add - our Queen's feces do indeed not stink) Sovereign. And whether we are aware of her authoritarian sacrifices or not, her rule must now and always be absolute.

And so I hereby announce my intention to marry Deer In Headlights. You know exactly who this is. Through her I shall succeed in wresting the Throne for myself, and thus through the Might of England dominate this World to the Good of All! My plan is secret at the moment, but I will release my inspirations as you need to know them. For the Queen is merely a placeholder. And I am merely the Guardian of Knowledge.

With the Eternal Love of Those Who Are Meant to Rule,

SLT

PS: Petunia - Go Fuck Yourself.