The Blogger: Scene Two

Blockbuster video, New Cross.

Enter AN INFLAMED CLITORIS.

IC: Hello, my good man do you have the new John Hughes flick?

Clerk: No.

PINTER PAUSE.

Enter AINUTEP. On her back is COCKROACH. Out of sadness and despair, COCKROACH humps AINUTEP's dirty ear.

AINUTEP: I acknowledge you, Inflamed Clitoris.

IC: How dare you, I am a penis...or, I wish to be!

AINUTEP: Maybe I can help you with that? Tell me, are you just an Inflamed Clitoris walking around New Cross?

IC: Why yes, yes I am.

COCKROACH: What are you doing, your majesty?

AINUTEP: Silence, slave! Tell me, could I wear you, Inflamed Clitoris?

IC: I think not!

Enter LEDGER HAIR.

LH: Excuse me, do you have the Dark Knight?

Clerk: Name?

LH: Heath Hair.

Clerk: Ah, no. Nothing by that name.

LH: ***** ***** **** **!

Clerk: Wait, aren't you...dead?

LH: ***** **** *** ****** *! Asshole.

Clerk: You can die from those?

LH: Yes.

She dies. AINUTEP weeps and COCKROACH drinks her tears.

COCKROACH: Mmm...needs brown sugar.

IC: I can help you.

It humps the carcass of LEDGER HAIR. They both cum puss in unison. COCKROACH drinks the puss.

COCKROACH: Needs more white sugar.

AINUTEP: That's disgusting. A female blogwright would never spew that.

IC: If I keep going there'll be nothing left of her!

AINUTEP: Wait! Inflamed Clitoris, if you let me wear you, I will resurrect her and you may consume this white sugar and make her your servant.

IC: But I am not a penis!

AINUTEP: But you look like one.

IC: Fine, but you must bring her back bigger than ever!

AINUTEP: More Ledger than ever! If only she could have said her name was Ledger Hair, and not Heath Hair. Then none of this would have happened. (She winks.)

AINUTEP, INFLAMED CLITORIS leave with LEDGER HAIR in tow.

Clerk: Last call!

COCKROACH: Yeah. Give me 'Joe's Apartment'.

Clerk: Oh I love that movie! John Hughes is brilliant!

COCKROACH: Yeah...but 'Puss in Boots' is better.